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 Too many times we here young people say that
they want to do something because, Everybody's doin' it!"
This is especially hard when friends are the one's pressing
us to do something that the church or family says is wrong.
At other times we may be pressured by our families who tell
us things that are contrary to what is going on at church or
youth ministry.
Let's take one of my youth, we'll call
him Allen. It's prom time here in New Orleans, and all of
the young people are running getting tuxes, limos, dates,
gowns, etc. For our Juniors and Seniors, this prom is "as
far as their eyes can see" at this time. Well I have a
group of young men that are always at church and I get
to hear what they say about everything that is going on
in their lives. It is a blessing, but sometimes a heavy burden.
 It is known throughout the church
that Allen is a virgin, and he is proud of his lifestyle.
One day the young men were in my office and I overheard a
group of them pressuring Allen (these are his good friends)
to "break his virginity" on prom night. Once I got Allen
by himself I talked to him about what I overheard.
We discussed his stance on the topic, and he was very
upset that I was challenging him with the church's stance
on pre-marital sex. He got real defiant and I just listened.
Well what came out of our conversation, is that Allen's dad,
who is an active member at our parish, talked to his son and
gave him condoms for that night. Allen was confused about
the fact that here the church was telling him one thing,
and his dad and friends, who he respects, are telling him another.
Even his girlfriend, who had been sexually active in previous
relationships, was pressuring him.
At first, I didn't know what to
say or do because I do not like to override the parent's
authority, but I did feel I needed to help my confused
and frustrated friend. So I took him to my counseling
guide, The Bible. We looked at various scriptures
and talked about what it means to be a Christian adult
in today's society. We looked at how the more you are
in alignment with God's plan for your life, the more
the devil will try to attack you with the people or
things closest to you. It helped that Allen went
through our Male's Rites of Passage program and I
could relate a lot of the lessons the older men
shared to what he would have to face in the future
and also the issue he was dealing with in the present.
Personally, I do not see a
problem with our young people dating. I believe
that it is important for young people to learn to
relate with their peers. But I do see a problem
with the way that society makes people out to be
objects. This is where the problems with dating
occurs. By secular standards, our young men are
not seen as valid unless they have money, a nice
car, or nice clothes. Our young women are not
seen as important unless they are good looking
(by society's standard's), have half of their
body hanging out of their clothes, or are willing
to sleep with whomever is talking to them. It is
these standards that cause Christian young people
to compromise their values to "fit in." These are
also some of the same values that cause some of our
parents to compromise the values that they would
ideally want for their children.
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