Are There Any Chaste Men? Brothers, Where Are You?
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After several conversations with sisters who were making efforts at trying to remain
pure and chaste until marriage but finding they were like "fish out of water" even when dealing with so-called
"Christian men", the question was posed more than once, "Where are the brothers who are really practicing chastity?"
I knew I had a few friends and relatives whom I thought were practicing. I was persuaded to do some investigation
among my Catholic male friends to find out what was going on? Were we running out of Christian men, especially
"brothers" who really were practicing purity, chastity, abstinence or holiness? Were chaste brothers now on the
"endangered species list"? The results are quite interesting.
 My first call was met with surprising timidity about the subject. My friend said he
really needed to meditate on what chastity meant since he had not heard it talked about in the Catholic Church for
adults since he couldn't remember when. He let on that he wasn't doing as well as he desired and that it was an
on-going struggle. My second friend reinterated the struggle he had but spoke very confidently about what he thought
chastity was. He said, "it is a call not a gift. If you are following the Lord you follow His lead. If you really are
a follower of Christ you have to love, you have to be pure. It is not a life of convenience. It's just part of
following Christ. It's not separate. It's no big deal" he said. "It's like pursuing the other virtues," he explained.
"We're not supposed to be drunk, cursing, coveting, idolatrous, angry, gossiping, etc., he explained. "It doesn't
mean we're "better than". The road we're on is just narrow, not wide, the Word of God says, Matthew 7:14. We can't
just "live the life" and take advantage of people like the world says do."
Well, it was a relief to hear this practical explanation. I mean how many of us like my
first friend even remember what chastity really means or have heard it discussed in our adult lives lately? Yet we
are bombarded with overt sexual messages almost every minute of the day. This dear friend, however, had an edge. He
is an excellent RCIA teacher who obviously tries to practice what he preaches. Thank God. He was a "brother in
Christ". He wasn't' African-American though. Onward to more research.
One of my priest friends suggested I call two brothers he knew practiced chastity, one
divorced and one married. I knew them too and what followed gave me some hope. Our divorced friend of 15+ years
confirmed again (as all the other guys did) that indeed it was a struggle to be chaste but about 7 years ago he had
made a decision "to stop playing with God." He believed that most people don't understand the depth of the sin of
fornication and adultery, the offense to God, and that if they knew and understood how God sees it, "as idolatry" he
said, they wouldn't take it so lightly. Idolatry. I had forgotten this view myself but I sure remembered it after he
mentioned this being in the Old Testament and possibly the New Testament. When I asked how he came to this decision
and what helped him keep to it, he spoke some of the same thinking my single RCIA teacher friend and the next married
brother reinterated. He had made a strong commitment, developed a mind set, a decision, to remain intentionally
celibate until married, which he told every woman with whom he had a dating relationship. "First thing out of his
mouth" he said and stood firm even when challenged with what kind of man he was. Like "going for the gold", he said
he decided to remain steadfast, immovable with the indwelling Holy Spirit's help.
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