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This ethos is both required to make a
vow of love and further developed within marriage. Put another way, we
cannot pledge ourselves as a gift until we have taken ownership of ourselves
(i.e., self-mastery). If your future spouse were to enter your life right
now, would you be ready to make a gift of yourself? You can't give what you
don't own. More important than finding the right one, we must struggle and
work to be the right one. This struggle and work is seeking sanctification
(personal holiness) in our ordinary, daily life through the sacraments,
prayer, and sacrifice. When we draw closer to Christ with all the "tools"
available to us in his Church, we can be assured that he will equip us to
answer His call for us. God doesn't always call the equipped, but He always
equips the called. Bring your "five barley loaves and two fishes" before
trying to feed the "five thousand" because his grace always builds on
nature.
Practical Tips
- It's never too soon…or too late
We all have a call from God. Marriage or consecrated celibacy may seem
like a decision too many years ahead, or perhaps passing us by, but we
must trust that He will equip us in all ways according to His time.
- Pray and sacrifice
Our suffering is real, but it need not be in vain. The great saints and
martyrs of our faith have taught us to attach those sufferings to Christ
on the cross. He will make them redemptive. Offer them for your future
spouse that he/she may stay chaste in preparation for a chaste marriage.
Stay encouraged in your prayer to do whatever it is our Lord asks of
you.
- Study
Set aside time everyday for prayer and study. Read the lives of the
saints (St. Gianna Molla), the section Catechism (Marriage, Part 2
Article 7), and Christopher West (Good News About Sex and Marriage,
Theology of the Body for Beginners). Unfortunately, you have to work to
find good Catholic material on authentic marriage. Familiarize yourself
with modern Natural Family Planning (NFP) as a proven marriage
strengthener.
- Seek Godly Counsel
Whose marriage do you admire? Ask them questions; spend time with them.
If you don't have a spiritual director, begin asking around and seeking
godly counsel.
- Stay Chaste
We have reached a level of insanity today where sex has nothing to do
with children or marriage. Viewing, reading, or listening to sexually
explicit material trains us to cheapen the dignity of each other.
Pornographic addiction in men is the silent marriage killer. Is that
good marriage preparation? Today, the decision to engage in sex is less
serious than the decision to have a child or the decision to live
together or even to marry. Experience in sex or living together will be
a burden for your future marriage, not a help. The Sacraments of
Reconciliation and Eucharist are powerful, real weapons in this battle.
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