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Now fast forward to the week before Palm Sunday 2004. I was outside playing with my dog on Saturday night when I began examining my life. I stopped and right there in the backyard and began to pray. I surrendered myself to God and asked God to show me the path I was supposed to follow. I promised God that I would follow wherever I was led. The next morning while sitting in Mass, my pastor talked about vocations to the priesthood and told us some of his vocation story. All the next week, everywhere I turned there was something talking about vocations. I received information in the mail. I even saw numerous programs on television about vocations, in particular shows about seminarians at the Vatican about to be ordained. On Palm Sunday I was once again sitting in Mass when my pastor again began talking about vocations, it was here when I said to God, "Ok, ok, I hear you." It was finally clear to me that no matter how far I tried to run over the years, I couldn't outrun the call of God.
During Holy Week I attended a Penance Service where I told a priest that I was considering a vocation to the priesthood. He told me that I should come to see him sometime during the week after Easter. Although I was unable to meet with him, I did speak to another priest. This young, recently ordained priest told me that I should contact the director of vocations for my diocese because she would be better able to help me. I took his advice and made an appointment to talk with her. Now keep in mind, I was just considering a vocation to the priesthood; nothing was set in stone. I was still struggling with the whole idea that I was unworthy of being a priest, but I decided that it wouldn't hurt to at least meet with the director of vocations for my diocese. The director told me that the process for entering the seminary could take up to a year, but she gave me an application to fill out in the mean time. I was fine with that because I felt it would give me time to think more about what I was doing. Well, as it turned out, it didn't take a year. Over the next three months I went through the entire application process, and in September 2004, I entered the seminary.
My fears about being unworthy didn't leave the moment I entered the seminary. It wasn't until I discussed these fears with someone, I can't remember who, that this feeling left me. This person told me that God doesn't call the qualified, God qualifies the called. This little saying helped change my whole outlook. I let go of my fears and embraced my new calling. I have been in the seminary for two years now and I still have a few years before ordination, but that's ok. It's ok because I have finally found my place in the world and I have never been happier. I owe this happiness to the fact that I finally had the courage to say yes to God.
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